Ah, hell.
So, big ideas crash & burn. That’s their very nature; hopes dashed, dreams deflated, everything and everything else comes tumbling down in a fiery fury. I’m being a bit hyperbolic here.. I’m not speaking of some catastrophic defeat; no spirutual death here. I’m embellishing the mundane. Cutting the fat, I could simply say: Oops, I haven’t been writing in my blog.
Truth is, there’s been kind of nothing but kind of everything to say. My cyclocross season ended, and I’m back up north. I’ve been putting in base miles & doing a ton of off-bike training. I now have a job at a bike shop in suburban MA, and put my name on a piece of paper entitling me to a year of living in a home in Somerville.
Thoughts & miscellany:
- I’m not going to have too intense a road season. I’m thinking, as long as I can get two or three races in per month, I’ll be happy. My goal in making this decision is to not burn out before CX season starts in August. Of course, since I’m addicted to positive results, this stands to change if I start winning & shit.
- I’ve come down with a nasty habit of buying very expensive clothing. For the first time in my life, I have to actually dress down for work.
- Mountain biking? I think I’m going to do some of it. We’ll see, it seems like a ton of fun. What’s summer about if not fun?
- Negativity begets negativity, and I’ve got to learn how to be stoked about things allllll over again. Jadedness is a luxury that I wish to reject; I believe it to be a choice that I made a number of years ago, and - well - by this point, I’m pretty convinced of that choice.. Subconsciously speaking, anyway. I’ve been trying to do the whole “fake smile until it turns real” thing lately, and it’s been kind of working. I’m tricking myself into being more outgoing.
- My theory is that messengering kind of turned me into an asocial jerk who doesn’t know how to relate to the square world. Because of my horseblinders, I couldn’t imagine a life I’d live where I’d HAVE to interact with people outside of my immediate community, but now I do & it’s interesting, to say the least. (sub: intimidating, terrifying, awkward, unnerving, uncomfortable.)
- We will never be able to self-diagnose. This invalidates the past two dogears in this rambling diatribe.
- I’m such a sucker for rambling diatribes and craziness without precise direction. I pored over that IRS airplane nutjob’s bungled manifesto for days.
- Dude I like totally can’t wait for cross season to return. What, only five months? WE’RE ALMOST THERE!
- I’ve been listening to nothing but soul, skinhead reggae/rocksteady, and the Cockney Rejects. Oi. Oh, speaking of, I’d recommend checking out that underrated Blitz song “New Age” which is definitely definitely definitely hinting at new wave but still very much a Blitz song. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the line “the kids on the streets” is sung several times.
OK. Pressure gonna drop on you.
